Trip to Freedom
First of all, I’m sorry Doray… This isn’t one of my light, carefree blogs. 
Probably in two weeks’ time, there will be.
This is actually a delayed account…
On the afternoon of the 27th of April, 2006, one of my ward patients decided to stop her heartbeat. Being the panicky, tension-filled MD that i am, i rushed to her SD bed, carelessly not thinking of bringing my WHOLE bag with me. Okay, we were able to revive her, but a few minutes later, i thought frantically, “where the f— is my bag??”
As expected, kaput. No trace of it, or its contents, namely: wallet (with not much money BUT with my PRC license, driver’s license, credit cards, ATMs, PICTURES), iPod (my free iPod shuffle, which is gone FOREVER), Palm, my favorite compact powder (haha, kababawan), 20 pcs of Fenofibrate for my mom, among others.
Days 1 and 2 post-loss of bag, i was doing OK. But come Day 3, i was shocked to find myself sobbing desperately. Not just for the loss of possession, but more importantly, i felt stripped and betrayed. I had no hard copy of my identity to speak of. I’m overworked, underpaid, doing my freaking best para itawid ang mga tao sa kamatayan, and yet, some person in my beloved hospital decides to take advantage of an opportunity.
Knowing me, questions suddenly branched out… Why are we taking all these shit? What drives us? Is it masochism? Good training? Being comfortable in a familiar place? Emotional fulfillment? et cetera. Suddenly, all idealism left me. I found myself becoming heartless and desperately wanting to leave.
I wasn’t the same since that day. What happened may be mundane compared to life-shattering events of other people, but it was definitely a turning point for me. In what way? you might ask. There are two sides to this turning point (forgive me if malabo, but what the hell):
1. Shit happens. Glitches in the system affects people at random. It’s just another shitty day in paradise. Siguro naman, in the next few days, hindi na ako mawawalan ng bag. Slash, magdala ng nondescript bag. Bottom line: i’ll just get on with my life. Send to file folder: Bad Stuff to Forget.
2. Maybe i just need some time away from this place. Yes, it’s a glitch, but things MIGHT be clearer if i took a break for a while.
Hence, i’m taking a short, paid sabbatical. 5 days lang naman, but it SHOULD do the trick.
3 days till Freedom grabs me by the balls!!
Coming soon: white water rafting pics.
June 27th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
prima! be benign and enjoy your vacation. you deserve it! and hang in there; shit happens to the best of us.
June 27th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Omigosh! You are the 3rd person from class 2005 who lost her bag in PGH in a span of 2 weeks!!! Haaaay …. Tama si Joolz. Just be benign dear! Breathe, and take a rest. Oh yeah, and about your questions, I suggest you read Peppermint’s latest blog (”I Am A Doctor”) … I’m sure it would help, or at least give you an answer to your doubts. I’m just 1 text away… you know that …
June 27th, 2006 at 7:53 pm
shit happens, i agree, but the sky will always be blue and you can bet your last peso that the sun will rise again tomorrow.
chin up and smile, pats! even superheroes need a vacation =)
June 28th, 2006 at 5:30 am
Hey Pats.
I can SOOOO RELATE with you. That feeling of betrayal you felt? Had that too, in 2 separate although similar occasions. The first was in Bora when my stuff got stolen too, and the second being almost every duty in OsMun — that after you treat people/save their lives, they come at you asking for money to pay their bills. Makes me wonder if they actually think PAYING FOR THEM is still part of our (thankless) job. Sobra, parang walang utang na loob.
Sorry Pats, not to put you down-er, but people will remain that way for a long time. And though there’s probably nothing much we can do to alleviate that, we just have to go on doing what we have to do. Just be more careful ok? Losing a bag now will not excuse you from another future theft, especially in PGH. Cruel way of the world.
But then again…we are not given challenges we can not overcome. So good decision with the sabbatical. A break halfway through 1st year is perfect. Enjoy the white-water! =)
June 29th, 2006 at 8:37 am
Amen to that RG!
God will not give you things you cannot overcome, Pats.
At sabi nga ng Ivan Geronilla the Great, one time na nag-iinarte ako nung ICC bago mag-exam sa Ob (haba ng intro!):
If you look back at your life, you’ll discover that everything’s been made SO easy for you to be where you are now.
Brace up, Pats! Life’s gonna throw you a curve ball every few seconds but I’ll bet my neck you’re going to score a homerun at each swing of the bat =) We- along with your patients- are rooting for you!
God bless you! The Great Physician’s intently watching over you and yours =)
June 30th, 2006 at 2:40 am
hey patsie!! i posted a comment a few days ago.. at di pala napost!! argh..
anyways HUG to you.. somehow things just happen, and we can’t seem to find a reason why. read my post I am a doctor.. (thanks doray!) maybe it will help just a bit. in the midst of ALL that chaos, what i do is sit back, take a deep breath, stay still, and say a little prayer. you never really know how much that can help.
hang in there.. stel and i are just around the corner too
June 30th, 2006 at 2:47 am
i went through the exact same thing when i lost my backpack in ward 16 last year. won’t try to share any trite insights i may have with you, but i do hope you’re feeling better. if not, burn something. =) take care always pats! =)