Think, Pats! Think!!

Blockmates!!! I miss you…

Sometimes, it’s really hard to face the reality that internship is over and you and your friends have gone to different forks in your crossroads. It gets lonely as the days go by.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I don’t want to go back to internship; there really are points in your life that certain complexities come in. For example, from clerk to intern to resident status. Life gets more complicated (in more ways than you can imagine), but hey. That’s the only way you learn. Ang sagwa naman kung ganun at ganun na lang, di ba.

Am really looking forward to this new phase in my life… the daunting 3 years of residency. It’s a whole new ballgame. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. Hehe.

However, excitement aside, the weather is overcast today. It mirrors my mood perfectly. Why is angst creeping into me again? I wonder…

Is it because i actually have time to think [about negative things] again?

Need to get busy. Now!!!

Has anyone (aside from Jen and Rico E, MaBelle) seen the end of a rainbow? I/we have. Last Sunday. It was a glorious — and humorous — sight, especially after realizing that one end of the rainbow (before the rains came near the vicinity) pointed straight to the PGH-OPD. Haha. I guess we have to dig for that pot of gold there… Anyway, i don’t think i’ll ever see anything like that again in my entire life. But then, it proved that things you didn’t know could happen, could.

Segue to the perennial musings about the upcoming life-changing event: this examination is really a test of faith. Of course, no one can REALLY be ready for it (unless you’re superhuman or you’re not doing anything else in your life), but the occasional (if not frequent) worries come your way. Like, what if i don’t pass? Have i studied the right materials? How come i don’t remember much, even after my nth reading??? Worse, why am i worrying about non-boards-related things during these times????? These plagued me yesterday, which hindered me from focusing. And then, Edhel my landlady said what [i think] i needed to hear at that moment: in a nutshell, worrying is useless. It’s unproductive and pointless. And, more importantly, we shouldn’t worry because God is the one doing the worrying for us. We should just do what is [physiologically] possible to prepare. To you people out there who are worry-warts like myself, STOP. We are not doing ourselves any good by worrying. 

Another realization came to mind: thoughts or worries, when voiced out, make them more real, even if hindi naman sila talaga totoo. Sigh, the power of autosuggestion has come my way oh too many times.

Anyway, i wait in vain for September to come…

Oops, mag-aaral nga pala ako. (one WHACK! to the head)

It’s 9 am and i haven’t started studying yet. Am using this internet time as an excuse to wait for the library (and National Bookstore) to open (at 9 am).

I’d have to agree that the 3 months or so utilized for Board review are very challenging. First, you’d wish you were a sponge to absorb most of the stuff that you read. Second, one needs a little bit of creativity and imagination to keep himself occupied enough not to get crazy with studying. Sigh. Third, there’s also an underlying battle of the bulge. Haha.

Things to do this week: watch Monster-in-law and whatever nice movie comes out this Wednesday, jog tonight or tomorrow night, have a pedicure (nails are akin to talons already) and/or haircut, finish paperwork for boards/residency application. oh yeah, and read physio, pedia, and pharma. Sana magawa ko ang lahat ng ito.

In the meantime, it’s 9:11 am… and yet i continue to surf.

Time table of this day:

07.00: wake up time! *snooze alarm clock*

07.30: Edhel arrives at 21J — stimulus to REALLY wake up, take a shower, etc.

08.30: i go to the library @ the College, try to study some Physio.

11.00: i go out for a break, and see Meme Guerrero, whom i haven’t seen for a REaLLY long time. She’s taking up the MLE right now (FYI for our batchmates), but wants to try out Australia for training, because they’re more "open" to IMGs (international medical graduates) there. As soon as she said that, a huge light bulb went on in my head: another job opportunity is unveiled! I mean, Australia isn’t that bad. PRO: it’s near New Zealand (exploring that country has been one of my life quests since high school). CON: Christmas there is hot. (note how totally unrelated to medicine my reasons are)

13.00: i meet up with Mikey Reyes to go to a conference of the Dept of Surgery for some awarding thing (which was, by the way, just an intermission for the next huge light bulb to come). A PGH-Surgery alumnus talked about Surgeons in the Barrios. THis was when the next light bulb came — not because i want to go into General Surgery, but because 1. the prospect of Doctors to the Barrios AGAIN entered my head; and 2. practicing in Cagayan de Oro has again enticed me (because of the peace and order situation there). In my opinion, it’s way much difficult to be a general practitioner than to be a specialist, because you have to know and practice practically everything, i.e. your limits are stretched, to your wits’ end. You can’t say, "oh, i’m a neurosurgeon, i can’t deliver a baby" there. One can have it both ways, though. You can train under a subspecialty but practice in a relatively non-urban area to be able to practice medicine in its entirety.

The reason why i want to go into Internal Medicine is because in my opinion, it’s the closest "subspecialty" to being a general practitioner but one still has something unique to offer. However, practicing in the Barrios, so to speak, adds another dimension to it — you’re not just one of the doctors with a clinic in this so-and-so floor in this so-and-so hospital; you’re THE doctor. Your usefulness as a doctor is more felt, i guess.

May 17 daytime has made me realize [again] that after graduating from medicine, it’s not just a crossroads. Hell, it’s a plain. It’s a savanna. The possibilities are endless. A few in my head are as follows: (disclaimer: not all are really feasible at the moment)

1. August or Feb boards?

2. residency at PGH or elsewhere? Elsewhere includes USA, Australia, other local hospitals. Under USA, fasttrack or normal speed?

3. Department of Medicine or Department of Neurosciences?

4. Go through everything NOW or NEXT YEAR?

5. Enrich another facet of your life, i.e. don’t practice medicine at all?

6. Take up the DOH Doctor to the Barrios offer, or train (subspecialize) first then go?

Sigh.

Back to work, or next blog? Next blog.

Hours since my last sleep: 30.

Lesson learned: if you aren’t so desperate to wake up (say, you just have to read a few chapters of a darned textbook, but you think your interest can sustain your state of wakefulness), DO NOT drink a cup of double-dose 3-in-1 coffee at night.

Methinks in bullets. Forgive the laconic/succinct format.

Eto na muna. Dunno really how long these things should be. (Should there be an ideal length?)